I WAS SO SCARED
I WAS REALLY FUCKING CONCERNED
Oh god. I was, actually scared.
EVERYONE WAS CONCERNED
My mom and I gave my little brother one of these balloons a couple months ago, and a few days later he said it creeped him out because sometimes it would rub against his wall or the shadow would make him think there was a person in his room.
So, of course, for his 14th birthday we decided to buy 14 of them and fill his room when he was out.
When he got back home and went upstairs we waited to see how he would react and weren’t disappointed when we heard loud screams and curses.
Then, because I’m an asshole, I moved them into our guest room (aka, my dad’s closet) after my dad had fallen asleep.
I was woken up this morning by my dad screaming.
Clearly because this is a fantastic idea, whoever pisses me off will wake up surrounded by smiley balloons.
Let the games begin
My brother ate the last slice of cake
Enjoy your shower, motherfucker
I love how Tumblr teaches us how to be perfect criminals.
Also, if you’re burying a full body, make sure you bury them vertically. Satellites orbiting earth look for holes that are approx. 6ft long because that’s suspicious. Ideally though, drain your body of fluids in a tub ((mix fluids with bleach and let them soak before draining and take precautions to keep your house from smelling like death from your sink and whatnot. Draining the body also keeps decomp at bay a bit and makes it easier to portion)) and cut it to bits. It’s easier to bury a head than a whole body, and takes less time so you don’t have to tell your neighbors, “Oh, I’m night gardening!”
Also, if a dog happens across it, it’s more likely it will devour a single body part than all of your ex-husband.
Another method is to put it into a septic tank. They’re a plethora of bacteria, and the smell of waste covers the smell of decomposition very well.
You should also destroy all teeth, massacre the face and burn fingerprints/remove finger tips to keep from identifying by anything other than DNA.
…I didn’t come up with these ideas, just what I’ve gleaned from reading on the internet.
i used to joke about Tumblr teaching us how to get away with murder, but fuck, man
the thing is when i see this i want to go kill a man just because i have the knowledge
Remember when you’re at the crime scene to wipe down all surfaces and then take the victims hands and touch things with them. Pick up cups and run the hands along table tops. A room with zero fingerprints is very suspicious.
If you live near the ocean you can drain the body and cut up the cadaver into small pieces then mix it all together with fish parts and dispose of it easily by pretending to chum the water for fish and sharks. Actually do chum the water a bit before dumping in your victim to be sure there are plenty of hungry fish around. Stick around and fish for a while so anyone who happens to see you won’t get suspicious. This way you don’t have any body parts lying around waiting to be dug up and identified. Plus you might catch a marlin or something.
PLUS YOU MIGHT CATCH A MARLIN
I AFDGFHGKJHKHGFDSF I AM DONE
Don’t forget that the chances of being caught are greatly reduced if you murder someone who has no connection to you at all. Most murderers end up killing someone they know in some fashion, so they’re easily caught. Serial killers kill at random, hence why they can kill a lot before they screw up.
I am not a serial killer, honest.
I am seriously concerned for all of you
please don’t judge me for tagging this for future reference, IT’S FOR PURELY FICTIONAL PURPOSES OK
I’M PRETTY SURE THE NEXT TIME I SEE THIS POST, ADVICE ON BURYING BODIES WILL ADD UP UNTIL IT SUFFICES TO BE COMPILED AS A HANDBOOK
How to kill a bitch: a guide by tumblr
I HAVE FINALLY FOUND THE PAINT JOB I NEED ON MY CAR.
Imagine the fear when people are walking hella slow in front of your car and you yell “MOVE FUCKER” at them
Normally I don’t reblog newer cars, but that paint is fucking awesome.
Id fucks with it
this is the only reason I’d get a car with a white paint job
So we’re LIVESTREAMING! I’m moving BACK to livestream, because some people said they had issues when watching Twitch and we’ll see how it goes. If it craps out again we’ll move back over to twitch but for now:
Not gonna stream ALL night, probably only for 3-4. Anyway YAY STREAM TIME I have NO IDEA what we’re drawing, it depends on who all joins us!
We’ll also probably stream the new FT episode when it airs.
STILL GOING COME JOIN
This is the world of equality. It’s horribly small.
I love how everyone who reblogs this knows exactly what it is about.
i would love to see Illinois on here.
can someone explain me this post? Thank you.
The places colored in have marriage equality. The rest do not.
*whispers* Why aren’t the oceans coloured
Because fish are fascist homophobes
This campaign is great, really makes you look closer instead of just and quick stereotypical glance
GSR Entrance Hall System
these are REALLY great, I especially like the dating one.